Some specialists say that if you just breathe the anger will go away. What is this Lamaze class? I’m not trying to have a baby! I am hot right now and you telling me to breathe is not helping.  How about I smash your BMW Mr. “Specialist” and see how your breathing exercises work then. See there I go again!!

So part of my remedy for this problem is to, dare I say it; express my feelings as they come to me. And since I cannot afford to pay some shrink to tell me I’m crazy, I have you, my readers, to tell me I’m crazy for free.

The next few blogs will be all about expressing my feelings.  Sounds great right?!

 Talk to you guys soon.

 Signed,

 An Angry Blogger

One year I had a terrible cold that wouldn’t go away.  So I went to the doctor to get checked out.  The nurse takes my temperature and says it’s a little high.  She then leads me to this extra small room that is super cold.  Sidebar: why are examination rooms always cold?  Anyway, the doctor comes in and asks me what my symptoms are.  I tell him chills, coughing, sore throat, etc.  Looking down at me through his small glasses he says “well Cydni it looks like you have a case of the common cold, take off your clothes and put on this gown and I will be back in a few minutes.”

TIMEOUT!  Why do I have to take my clothes off? And sir this gown is practically see-through! Wait a minute I feel a chill on my backside…HEY THE BOTTOM IS CUT OUT! Okay, I don’t know what type of stuff you guys are into but I didn’t sign up for this.  Besides you already told me that I have the common cold, there is no need to examine my body any further.   For all I know there could be a hidden camera in here recording me taking my clothes off. And really where are the doctors going when you take your clothes off?  And how do they always know when to come back?  Stuff to think about right?     

The doctor comes back in, has me do that breathing thing, and says “I hear a little congestion in your chest.”  No duh Sherlock, tell me something I don’t know.  I came to you to shed some light on my condition and that’s the best you can do?!  After all of that he says “I recommend plenty of rest, Tylenol to get your fever down, and drink plenty of fluids.”  So I ask, “how long do you think I will be this way?”  He says “I am not sure, with the common cold you just have to let it run its course.”  RUN ITS COURSE?!  Seriously dude?  So after dragging myself out of the house, (looking a hot mess by the way) I can’t even get a prescription?

I walk outside to the receptionist desk, and the lady says that will be $30.00! Receptionist lady say what?  Let me get this straight, I still feel like crap, the doctor told me stuff I already know, some freaky doctors got a peep show, and now I have to pay you $30.00?!  You guys should be paying me!

In conclusion, I now give myself physicals and last time I checked I am a healthy young woman. 

You know what really grinds my gears?  People who think “playing it cool” is cool.  No you are not cool you are faking.  Since when was it cool to hide the person you are?  Okay yeah you probably shouldn’t cry and yell in public, I get that part.  ‘But seriously, do I have to play it cool all of the time?  I am on the phone with you; no one else is around, so why do I have to fake now?  ‘Cause guess what buddy, if I am upset you are going to know about it.   This isn’t the Wizard of Oz and I am not the Tin Man looking for a heart.  I already have one, and if you break it you ARE going to be told off.  I am not going to hide my feelings to make you feel better about being a jerk.  And I may even blog about you too; so take that, Mr. Cool! 

This is a great segue into what grinds my gears about relationships.

It really grinds my gears when guys are afraid of a girl who shows emotion.  It has been my experience that real men and woman are not afraid of people who show themselves to each other.  When you really think about it, if you can’t be vulnerable with your significant other, who can you be vulnerable with? 

One of my favorite songs is by Serani, which says in part: “love you girl do you feel the same, I don’t want to play no games.”  And there is so much truth to that statement. Because if you love/like someone, and they feel the same way about you, why would you want to play games with them?  The whole point of being in a relationship is to get out of the game playing.   So why would I take myself out of the game only to have to play an even bigger game to keep this ONE person in my life?  Here I am turning down T.I. look-a-likes for you, yet I am afraid to call you because I called you last time and I think you should call me.  What is that?  In a MATURE relationship, there is no fear of rejection.  Why should I be afraid of you rejecting me?  I already have you!

Then it finally dawned on me, numerous relationships later, that I am no good at relationships. And that is why I, Cydni Lenae, will be single for a while.  And yes I’m loving it.

Speaking of which, do you guys want to take a peek at my workout diary? Sure you do!

Day 1:

Dear Diary:

Here I go, day one of the new me. Let me paint the picture for you: I have on my cute workout outfit, water bottle and high energy. I grab my weights; turn on the video, feeling pumped and ready to go. I am doing the exercises at full speed, lunging from side to side, sweating like a dog, heart rate’s elevated, and I know I’m burning calories. Man I can’t wait for the cool down, this had to be at least a 30 minute workout! Whew, finally the woman says “let’s stretch it out”. YES! I made it through!! Then she goes on to say “let’s get started!!” HUH? What you mean let’s get started? I look at the timer on the DVD and it says 6:59. That was just the warm-up? Next thing I know the music is up-tempo, she’s doing high reps and I am looking lost. And just before I felt like I was about to pass out she says “are you smiling?” No lady I am not smiling, I am barely breathing. You call this a beginner’s workout?!!!

Day 2:

Dear Diary:

Sigh, here I go again. Today I did the exercise bike. Is it normal for my legs to feel like they are still moving even though I am not on the bike anymore?

Day 3:

Dear Diary:

Okay this lady is crazy!! I swore I saw her eye twitching, these workouts are not normal.

Day 4:

Dear Diary:

I think I am getting the hang of this. I smell like an old person full of Icy Hot, but that’s the norm right?

Day 5:

Dear Diary:

I don’t want to workout today. Do we still have that apple pie in the freezer?

So guys this is just how I felt at the beginning. And while I am doing better 2 months later, I still dread working out. ‘But like anything that is worth having, you have to work for it. I will be camera ready soon. Be on the lookout for me in T.I’s coming home video!! Holla!!!!!!!!!!!

Signing off,

Cydni Lenae

Oh, quelle surprise, this morning what do I walk into?  DELAYS ON THE ORANGE LINE!  Some train malfunctioned and trains were sharing the same track.  Okay I have had enough of this. I really think that there is a conspiracy against the Orange line. So today, I am sending my blog post entitled Metro Rail Alert to all of the authorities at WMATA.   I am pretty sure I will not get a response back, or if I do, it will be something generic like this:

Dear Valued Customer:

Thank you for your letter.  We appreciate your business and your concerns.  We understand that these unscheduled track maintenances are inconvenient, but we really have your best interest at heart.  We hope to make your travel more enjoyable in the future.

Sincerely,

Bob Sullivan

Customer Service Rep

WMATA

Item number one: Will Smith narrating all of his movies.  What is the point?  Why do you have to introduce yourself in the beginning of every movie?  “My name is Aaron Neville.”  Hey buddy if you would just get to acting I would probably figure out your name during the course of the movie.  Now don’t get me wrong, I think Will Smith is a great actor, he puts a lot of heart into his movies, wonderful guy.  ‘But he reminds me of those people that just like to talk to hear themselves talk; they have no purpose just talking.  

Item number two: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.  Oh look at us we are super young billionaires.  Check out our perfume line, our clothing line, our terrible movies, notebooks, stickers…the list goes on and on.  They have all of this money, yet they dress like they are homeless most of the time. Look to your right, what is that?  They look like they are about to stand in line for soup. I don’t get it; I hate when people have money and don’t put it to proper use.  You want to dress like a hobo, fine, just hand your billions over to me and I will go on Rodeo Drive and spend it properly.

Item number three: Donald Trump’s toupee.  Hey Donald your toupee is FIRED. That’s all I have to say on that one.

Well that’s enough venting for now.  Stay tuned for more random banter by yours truly.

Check this one out, I almost died.  Justin Timberlake is a clown!!